My Angels in Africa

CHAPTER 1.  MY ANGELS IN AFRICA

It is time now for this story to come out.  Long story.  I will divide this long story into 5 chapters.

I think of My Angels in Africa every day, almost every hour.  And I am grateful.  These gay men on this little island of Lamu in the Indian Ocean, east of Kenya, east of Somalia, surrounded by the sea, in a of mainly religious place owned by Kenya, geographically Somalia and the people traditional.  This is where I ended up in this story  –  these men saved my life. My Angels.

I was in Africa.  In Mombasa.  In a beach resort, the only one I could afford.  Alone.  What I did not know about this beach resort and Mombasa in general is that many middle-aged Nordic and European women come to this particular resort and to Mombasa to buy sex from teenage boys.  And I fit the profile, I was 35, originally from Finland, and very Finnish.  But had I lived New York City, since I was 20, for 15 years already.  
You can not mess with me.  I’m a New Yorker.  With attitude.

I don’t buy sex.  I have plenty of admirers.   And I do not molest children.  It is not in me.  Never.  I felt sick in that resort in Mombasa.  Children were offering sex to me.  I left within 12 hours.  I had repaid for three nights and days, but I just could not stay there. I just ran, I did not even ask for my money back.

Actually this story does not start in Mombasa.  It starts on my flight from New York JFK to Nairobi, Kenya.  First thing I did on the plane from JFK to Nairobi.  I went to the bathroom in the plane.  I had already cut a pocket in the lining of my carry-on-bag.   Now I just needed to hide my USA greencard, residence permit, to the lining of my bag.  I had needle and thread.  I did some sowing in the bathroom.  Put my Finnish passport on top of my carry on bag. Why?  I was going in Eastern Africa, North Indian Ocean, where so many kidnappings of Americans and Europeans had taken place. Many, many.  It killed the tourism.  Being from Finland was my best bet.  But since my budget was so limited, and I wanted an adventure, that was good place for me to go.

So. going back to Mombasa, I was at 5am in a buss from Mombasa, to the border of Somalia.  8 hour drive along the coast of Indian Ocean.

Did I arrive. Yes.  

NEXT is Chapter 2. part of this story.

Living on € 1.97 in Bank and € 0.55 in Cash

Previously...How Mimmi Received Bill Clinton's Autograph and Other Consequences

Bought a lottery ticket. € 1.00

Discovered that milk does not know when its past due date is and it should curdle.  23rd of May today, drank milk with past due date on May 7.

Best way to get out the last drops of mayonnaise out of the bottle is to add some hot water and shake.

Wilted lettuce and frost-bitten celery do not taste much different than when they are fresh.

Onion and potato soup is excellent. Recipe below.

Instead of washing detergent, clothes can be machine washed with dish washing liquid. Remember to use just a little bit, otherwise you end up drowning in soap bubbles.

Body wash is a good substitute to toothpaste, very refreshing.

Foot cream is a great beauty cream for the face. Just avoid the eye area.

Soap is soap. Cream is cream. Soup is soup.

Onion and Potato Soup

Ingredients: Onions, potatoes, oil, beef bouillon cubes, wheat flour, water. A knife, a kettle, a spoon and a bowl.

Peel the onions and potatoes. Slice. Fry in oil. Dissolve the beef bouillon cubes in a kettle to hot water, add onions and potatoes. Let simmer half an hour. Thicken with some wheat flour. Enjoy!

Next...American's Asylum: Finland

How Mimmi Received Bill Clinton's Autograph and Other Consequences

Previously...Meeting Bill and Hill

Well, Mimmi never received Bill Clinton's autograph.  To our huge disappointment.  I understand that Anna from Bill Clinton's office who promised to deliver the autograph must be very busy.  But Mimmi and I are so fun and gorgeous, and worked really hard at being "those two Finnish ladies" while we crashed Bill's staff party.  It took some hard work and a lot of nerve.  And we are Bill's biggest fans! Luckily Mimmi has since bumped into Bill Clinton a couple of times around New York City, and Bill has made up for the omission.  That's another story.

The focus on this story about meeting Bill and Hill has been very heavily on Bill. It is really just a biological fact - Mimmi and I are heterosexual females in our sexual prime, and were even more so when the meeting with Bill and Hill took place in 2001.  But do not worry, Hill, we love you too.  As a matter of fact I engaged in some fundraising activities in Miami when Hill was running for presidency.

As to other consequences.  I realized that crashing somebody's private party, let alone that of an ex head of state, could be considered criminal.  Had to keep my mouth shut and my pen in my pocket until the statute of limitations ran out, way out.   Risque business, I do not recommend trying to crash any kind of parties.

After I sent the "Letter to Bill and Hill" to Bill and Hill, I got suddenly included in all kinds of mailing lists.  The entire Clinton family is sending me e-mail. Bill Clinton. Hillary Clinton. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Chelsea Clinton.  Clinton Foundation. Kevin Spacey.  The White House. President Barak Obama. First Lady Michelle Obama. Vice President Joe Biden. FBI. CIA  FEMA, Federal Emergency Management Agency. Not that I really mind, it is all very interesting, but are they trying to get even?

Coming up...Living on € 1.97 in Bank and € 0.55 in Cash

Meeting Bill and Hill

Previously... Letter to Bill and Hill

This is the story about how I purely by happenstance met Bill and Hillary Clinton privately.  

One Thursday night a few years ago, I think spring of 2001, I met my girlfriend Mimmi for drinks in Manhattan.  We met right after work in a restaurant called Opia on Lexington and 57^th Street.  Mimmi was then working for the Finnish government , and I had just moved from a job with the Finnish government to work for a Danish pharmaceutical firm. 

 

So, we are sitting in the lounge in Opia sipping Cosmopolitans and chatting about life.  All of the sudden Mimmi gets a surprised look on her face and exclaims: “I think I just saw Bill Clinton walking in!”  Mimmi’s eyesight is not the greatest and she has a wonderful imagination.  I responded to her that it is highly unlikely that Bill Clinton would just casually walk into this joint. 

Mimmi and I finished our drinks and went to visit the ladies’ room before heading home.  We are sitting in the stalls and debating in Finnish language whether Bill Clinton could really be in the house.  Suddenly we hear in Finnish: “Yes, you are quite right.  Bill Clinton is hosting his staff party in our private room.”  A voice of a Finnish waitress of the restaurant.  Out of the toilet rushes Mimmi – hyperactive thyroid makes women very, very fast – and I run after her still trying to pull my pants on.  Mimmi heads straight towards the private room, me at her heels: “Mimmi!  We cannot go in there!”  But Mimmi just keeps on walking and I follow.  Four Secret Service agents guard the door, smile at us friendlily: “Welcome ladies!” Two Finnish blondes are always invited to any party in NYC.

The room we just entered is rather full.  Large room.  Remind you, this is Bill Clinton’s private staff party.  This is post his presidency when he already had opened his office in Harlem, New York City.  On the other side of the room we see Bill and Hillary Clinton chatting with the guests.  Mimmi and I negotiate whether we should go ahead and approach them.  Towards us walks a dark haired woman introducing herself as Anna, Bill Clinton’s Head of Staff: “What are you doing here? This is a private party.”  Anna waves to the Secret Service agents who are now looking somewhat embarrassed, asking them to move closer.  Mimmi hands Anna a business card and explains that we just really would like to greet Bill Clinton.  Naturally, Mimmi, working for the Finnish government has diplomatic status.  I am unshielded, unprotected, a non-citizen yet very luckily a legal alien, now totally convinced that I will be immediately imprisoned for an indefinite length of time and then deported from USA.  But now, because of Mimmi’s status, there is a diplomatic situation.  Anna signals the Secret Service agents to back off, and tries to, very politely, convince Mimmi and me to leave.  I am getting more and more panicky by the second.  

Finally, after requesting Anna the favor of obtaining Bill Clinton’s autograph and mailing it to her, Mimmi agrees that we should leave.  We leave the room, and go down the two-part staircase leading to the exit.  We stop at the platform in the middle of the staircase.  Mimmi, all excited and proud about having crashed Bill Clinton’s staff party phones her husband and son!  I am still nervous, my heart is pounding, I am sweating and I just want to get out into fresh air within the safe neutral zone of a late nigh Manhattan street.  Suddenly, one of the Secret Service agents comes down the stairs to ascertain safe exit for President Clinton and Hillary Clinton.  The agent into his walkie-talkie: “All clear, just those two Finnish ladies here.”  Mimmi and I look up the staircase and Bill and Hillary are descending!  Nobody else around, just the four of us!  Bill and Hillary stop in front of us and introduce themselves: “Hello, I am Bill Clinton.” “Hello, I am Hillary Clinton.” “Pleasure to meet you. Where are you from?”  And we shake hands. 

I must say Bill Clinton has the most charismatic personality of anybody I have ever met.  And a huge handshake!  (Being sexy and single in New York City I could not help but wondering what else he might have huge).  No wonder Hillary Clinton writes in her book that the first quality she fell in love with in Bill Clinton were his hands.  

Back to the staircase in Opia restaurant.  After a little bit of chatting – none by me, I was stricken mute, Bill did most of the talking as he spent some time in Finland as a student and has very fond memories about that time - Hillary is getting anxious and starts pulling Bill down the staircase by his hand.  Out the door they go, into their Hummers, the whole cavalcade speeding away very fast lights blinking down Lexington Avenue. 

Breaking the most basic rule of hygiene, I did not wash my right hand for several days trying to safeguard the magic of having shaken Bill Clinton’s hand.

 

Next...How Mimmi Received Bill Clinton's Autograph and Other Consequences